Access and Visitation
Judges often award a parent every-other-weekend with your child and two weeks in the summer and call it joint custody. It is not. It is old-fashioned "visitation." In genuine joint custody, judges don’t use the word "visitation" — they call it parenting time joint custody, or similar words to show that you are a real parent, not a visitor in your own child's life. Legal joint custody means shared decision making-between the parents. Physical joint custody means that the children have frequent and continuing contact with you Such frequent access to your children means that you are not reduced to the role of an occasional "uncle" or "aunt" in your youngster’s life, or a "Disneyland Dad" or a "Disneyland mom," just taking your child on expensive outings. To have a close relationship with your child, you need frequent and continuing contact, regardless of your marital situation. I have helped many parents for more than 25 years to maximize access to their child(ren). There are various ways to do this, and the earlier in the process we attempt this, the better.
Some court orders do not even order specific days or times for "visitation". They just say there shall be "reasonable" visitation, without stating who is to decide what is "reasonable." It may be left to the custodial parent to decide what is "reasonable." This is not a "reasonable" request, because the custodial parent may not value you as a co-parent.
If you live in a "shared parenting" state like Florida, the "share" that is given to you by a judge or the other parent may not be a "fair share." I mean, 5 percent of time with your child may be a "share," but it is not liberal time sharing. The baby-sitter would have more time with your child than you do.
In my state of Maryland, visitation Friday evening to Sunday evening every other weekend, "a peek a week" of every Wednesday evening for dinner, two weeks in the summer, and alternate holidays is commonplace. This amounts to about 15 percent of the time on a year-round basis. Physical joint custody, on the other hand, is more expansive, from one-third to one-half of the time on a year -round basis.
Washington, D.C. has a law that presumes joint custody, but too often, I hear, normal every-other-weekend -visitation is being ordered and it is called joint custody. Normal visitation is also prevalent in northern Virginia.
Also, I am an expert in providing supervised visitation services. I always advise that it is important to accept supervised visitation if that is the only choice offered to you. Why? Because you are spending time with the child that can never be made up. Parents who are being supervised should be treated with respect and dignity. The parent and child may not leave the premises without permission, but the supervision may occur at a child care center, someone’s home, a park, a playground, a restaurant, or some other locale. I observe the child and parent during the time they are together.
I am an attorney and mediator who can generally get a child and parent to be have more liberal access than they are now having with each other. I also help grandparents and other family members. Call me at 301-927-1897.