Children's Rights

In a sense, children have no rights. They can not enter into contracts, they can't choose their school, and they can't vote. Yet children DO have rights. They can speak up, petition or protest, and have the right to be cared for by an adult. They can not be legally abused or neglected.

To the Children's Rights Council, a national non-profit organization that I led for 24 years, the greatest right of a child is to have two parents in their lives. This is not always possible, and it is better for a child to have one loving parent than none. The "best interests" of the child, the determining factor in awarding custody, should be, for most children, both a mom and a dad, where such parents exist, and they are safe for the child.

Most states and the District of Columbia have shared parenting (joint custody) as their starting point for custody determinations. Maryland and Virginia are more clearly sole mother custody states – that is, mothers generally obtain sole custody.

I can help parents determine what is in the "best interests" of the child, legally and realistically, especially in the difficult framework of divorce.

1. The right to be treated as important human beings with unique feelings, ideas, and desires, and not as a source of argument between parents.
2. The right to a sense of security and belonging derived from a loving and nurturing environment which shelters them from harm.
3. The right to a continuing relationship with both parents and the freedom to receive love from and express love for both.
4. The right to "listening parents."
5. The right to express love and affection for each parent without having to stifle that love because of fear of disapproval by the other parent.
6. The right to grow and flourish in an atmosphere free of exploitation, abuse, and neglect.
7. The right to know that their parents' decision to divorce is not their responsibility and that they will still be able to live with each parent.
8. The right to continuing care and guidance from both parents where they can be educated in mind, nourished in spirit, and developed in body, in an environment of unconditional love.
9. The right to honest answers to questions about the changing family relationships.
10. The right to know and appreciate what is good in each parent without one parent degrading the other.
11. The right to have a relaxed, secure relationship with both parents without being placed in a position to manipulate one parent against the other.
12. The right to have one parent not undermine time with the other parent by suggesting tempting alternatives or by threatening to withhold activities with the other parent as a punishment for the children's wrongdoing.
13. The right to be able to experience regular and consistent parental contact and the right to know the reason for not having regular contact.
14. The right to be a kid and to be insulated from the conflict and problems of parents.
15. The right to be taught, according to their developmental levels, to understand values, to assume responsibility for their actions, and to cope with the just consequences of their choices.
16. The right to be able to participate in their own destiny.

Vicky Lansky, author of more than 30 books on parenting, has also developed a "Children's Bill of Rights" in her book Divorce Book for Parents. Other authors and organizations have done so, too.

Bottom line: As a lawyer with more than 25 years experience in advising separating, divorcing, and never-married parents, I can help you and your children in reducing conflict during difficult family transitions.