Fathers' Rights

Fathers' rights is almost an oxymoron -- a contradiction in terms. That is, because fathers' rights are almost non-existent in the U.S. when it comes to divorce and never-married situations.

Despite joint custody being legal in all 50 states, and a presumption or preference in 38 states and Washington, D.C., the practice in most states is to give mothers sole legal and sole physical custody. The situation has become somewhat fairer over the past 25 years, but there is still a "glass ceiling" when it comes to preventing fathers from taking an active role in the raising of their children in cases of family break-up.

Legal custody means the power to make important decisions regarding the child, and physical custody is the amount of time the child spends with a parent. The typical court decision is custody for the mother and every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer and alternate holidays for the father. This means about 4 overnights a month, and a total of about 15 percent of the time on a year-round basis between child and father.

The Children's Rights Council and I do not favor a reversal of this practice so that fathers would primarily win custody. We favor a presumption or preference for joint custody/shared parenting/co-parenting. In that way, children of separated, divorced, and never-married parents will enjoy frequent and continuing contact with both parents, provided the parents are like most married parents -- able, willing, and safe for the children in their care.

I counsel parents on children’s rights, parents' rights and fathers' rights nationwide, based on my 24 years as head of the Children’s Rights Council, a national non-profit organization based in Maryland. Maryland is a sole mother custody state. That is, the Women's Law Center of Maryland reports in "Families in Transition," December 2006, page 36, that in Maryland, "physical custody was awarded to mothers in 66 percent, to fathers in 12 percent, and the remaining were split custody or some other undefined custody arrangements." Virginia law calls for children to have "frequent and continuing contact" with both parents, which is the hallmark of physical joint custody, but most judges in Virginia ignore that injunction, and give sole custody to mothers in most cases. Washington, D.C. has a presumption of joint custody, passed with CRC and me as catalysts for the new law in 1997, but it is uncertain how decisions are being made, because of the secrecy of many court decisions involving minors.

Women know how to bond and talk to others. Fathers tend to "go it alone." So I suggest to fathers that they do what mothers do – seek a support group. There is a "Fathers United," "Fathers for Equal Rights" or similarly named groups all around the country. Go to their meetings, as a I did years ago, when my first wife and I separated.

I was a copyright lawyer, but I knew nothing about custody law. I joined Fathers United for Equal Rights and Women's Coalition, headed by the late Paul Robinson in northern Virginia. Within 6 months, I was running the meetings. There is almost always a custody lawyer present at these meetings to answer your questions.

These "fathers' rights" group -- including Fathers and Families, based in Boston, and headed by Ned Holstein, who is a doctor and lawyer, and Glenn Sacks, a national commentator --mainly help divorced dads. But there are national and local groups that also support never-married dads, such as NPCL (National Partnership for Community Leadership in Washington, D.C.), Fathers and Families Coalition of America in Phoenix, and the Center For Urban Families (CFUF) in Baltimore. NPCL and Fathers and Families Coalition of America sponsor annual national conferences.

Groups and meetings are often not enough, and separation can be difficult for many children and families. So I supplement these groups and meetings with advice to parents on the best ways to handle separation, divorce, or never-married situations without stepping over the children. I help you to navigate the court and financial child support systems. I offer tips on how to minimize financial, emotional and psychological costs for you. I work with other attorneys who may represent you, and assist psychologists I know of who perform evaluations of children and parents. And I can be an expert witness for you based on my knowledge of custody, access/visitation, parental alienation, and related family topics. I have helped many families --- children, mothers and fathers -- over the years.